Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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