smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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