i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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