Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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