vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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