Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize