You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize