I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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