I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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