ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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