her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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