I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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