Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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