THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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