...so i touched it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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