I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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