I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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