dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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