Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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