woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize