I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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