I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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