worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize