her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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