I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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