bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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