just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize