at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize