im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize