Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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