I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize