I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize