I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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