I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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