When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize