I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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