Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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