And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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