She is in my trunk
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize