How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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