I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize