Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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