Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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