I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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