so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize