you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize