Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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