The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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