i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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