There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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