the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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