So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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